Spank Mod (for PhpLD)



Hello all,I have created a mod for directory owners. What this mod does is to “punish” spammers who spam your directory with useless sites. However, currently I have only done this mod for PhpLD and only tested for V3.06 to 3.2.0. Older versions of PhpLD have not yet been tested, so you need to tell me which version of your PhpLD you are using first.

Uses: The reason why I called it the “Spank Mod” is because it spanks the people who submits spam sites to your directory. I have made this script powerful and complex enough so that when someone submits a spam site, their PC automatically spanks the submitter - hard. How hard you ask? Well, depending on how spammy or crappy the site they submit and whether they are female or male. Female submitters will be spank very very hard. This script also includes paddles so you need not worry about that. It also features a very easy to use admininstrator menu where you can control which butt cheek to spank and even set it to spank alternate butt cheeks automatically.

How does it work: Everytime when someone submits a site to your directory, this mod will send the information about the site in question and the sender’s IP address to our servers. Our servers has a list of known spam sites and known spammer IP addresses (and even proxy sites). If it raises a red flag, then the spank mod will activate, causing pain/pleasure depending on the individual spammer.

Why: The brilliance of this mod is that makes spammers fear your directory. I am sure every directory owner has to spend hours and hours every day to clear spam from their directories, so with this mod, you will most likely not face this problem.

How to get it: This script is very complex and thus pretty difficult to install and with so many different templates out there, it is impossible to create a step by step installation guide. The only way is for me to install it for you. I will install, configure and even test it out for you. However, you need to supply a volunteer as I am not really into spanking.

Known problems: There are people out there who like to be spanked. So if a spammer has such a preference, this mod will instead encourage them to spam even more. This is no solution for such deviant behavior at this time. Maybe an electric shock or something.

Price: US$10,000 per domain, comes with installation and testing. US$4,000 additional per year for maintenance package. Includes unlimited re-installations for template change and upgrade. Paddle warranty depending on manufacturer but usually these paddles are made to last.

Detailed features:

1. Allows different pain settings for different category. Useful for categories that have been spammed a lot. Also useful if you really hate a certain type of spammer like those mobile phone cards sellers or my favourite lawyers.

2. Allows the directory owner to receive a snapshot of the spanking. A video spanking capture mod which sends a video clip of the entire spanking session is available on request. Audio is included. FTP access is required.

3. Works on any browser! Even Internet Explorer with 50 toolbars installed. Tried and tested.

4. Allows the directory owner full control over which butt cheek to spank. Users can set to alternate butt cheeks automatically. Useful to test out the effect the spanking had on the butt cheeks if you are into it.
5. Available in many different spanking styles. You just need to configure it. Redness is guaranteed. Tried and tested or so I heard.

6. “Compatable” with PHP5!

7. Spank speeds is fast due to AJAX, no need to reload from database.

If you are still not convinced, please read below from actual users/suffers/victims of this fantastic mod.

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“I would have paid US$500,000 for this super great mod! But I got it at a discount of US$10,000 only. Thank the gods! If only VBulletin had this mod.“

- Jon Sott from VSomethingN

“Spank them. Spank them hard.”

- Angry Web Directory Owner

“My mother asked me why my butt is so red, so I confess to her that I have been paid to spam directories I know from digitalpoint forums. I will never do it again!“

-12 year old spammer from some Eastern European country

“My mother asked me why only one of my butt cheeks is so red, I told her that some idiot modder couldn’t code properly and his spank mod in one of the directories malfunctioned. I can never sit again!“

- Another 12 year old spammer, this time from some Latin American Nation

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-SasaVTec from Digitalpoint forums

“I have always wanted to spank Matt Cutts and now with this mod, I can!“

-BlackHat SEO guy and known links seller

“Paid mods are just like paid links. If any of you use paid mods like this spank mod, you will have to use the “nofollow” tag. If not, everyone will get spanked. Although I like getting spanked myself, this is not good for the Internet.“

- Mott Butts, from some big shot Search Engine

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Hope that all these ”testimonials” are enough to convince you the usefulness of this mod. I will be adding additional features and even more mods to this section soon. But first, I will edit this mod so that it will work for other directory scripts. Perhaps in the near future, it will work for eSyndicat and IndexU.

PS: I have been seeing on the Internet people offering “free” or “cheap” Spank mods. Please note that such mods lack features and may even seriously injury the innocent submitters due to the lack of experience of the coders. Although there is nothing morally wrong in injuring spammers (although it could be illegal in some queer countries), we as directory-owners do not want to injure our customers and users. It may even be considered bad taste. So, please get the real deal. It’s pretty cheap considering the work and effort I have put into it.

If you like to discuss more on this mod, please visit this thread in the digitalpoint forums- http://forums.digitalpoint.com/showthread.php?t=308635 and if you like this mod, please Digg it! Thanks.