With the huge influx of foreigners into Singapore, I am worried that the Singapore culture may get diluted some what. As the large number of foreigners form part of Singapore and it’s society in general, it may get difficult for Singaporeans to differentiate from others. So I would propose a Singaporean Purity Law which ensures the purity of Singaporeans. Just like the German Beer Purity law which ensures that their beer is not tainted with melamine or taste like A&W root beer, this Singaporean purity law will protect Singaporeans from becoming foreigners and vice versa. It is our assurance against contamination in our bloodline. We all like things pure, don’t we?

Anyway, this is what I am proposing for the Singaporean Purity Law.

1. Poor Genes. According to some vastly intelligent Chinese in Taiwan, a good portion of Chinese Singaporeans are from South Fujian who came to Singapore as Coolies or farmers. So they, unlike the people in Hong Kong or Taiwan, are of poorer stock and pain stupid. So it gathers that most Singaporean Chinese have poorer genes and are stupider. We need to add this to our Singaporean Purity Law because good genes means that we have to be like Hong Kong or Taiwan. This law applies only to Singaporean Chinese.
2. Queuing. Singaporeans must always queue. Only exception is when you are entering public buses or trains. In this scenario, Singaporeans have to rush up the bus or into the train without allowing others to get off first. Other than that, you must enjoy queuing, like queuing for the McDonald’s Hello Kitty Doll and for the new EZLink card. If not, you are not a Singaporean. Go to Taiwan.
3. Overspending. Singaporeans must always spend beyond their means. Like those Singaporeans who spent a huge sum of money buying washing machines and decking out their “dream kitchen” when none of them ever wash their own clothes or even know how to cook. If they did cook, we would all die of food poisoning without the help of China. Plus, they must always buy new expensive cars they cannot afford which sucks petrol like a sponge every year. Cool.
4. Cannot think. If you are wondering how the hell would an GST (tax) increase help the poor, then you are not a Singaporean. If you are wondering how increasing the bus/train fares of a profit making government controlled public transport company would help improve the bus/train service, you are also not a Singaporean. You are an European Colonist hell bend on destroying Singapore and all that it stands for. Go die fast.
5. Kiss Ass. Singaporeans must always kiss the ass of foreigners but must be smart about it. Last time when the US & European countries were “the king”, we kiss the ass of the US & European countries and call China names. Now, China is “the king”, we kiss the ass of China and call US & European countries names. If you disagree, you can kiss my ass. This law applies to ALL Singaporeans. So if you are someone are from China, remember to wipe your ass properly today.
6. Bitch. Singaporeans must always listen to what the government say. So if the government tells you to jump, you say how high. If the government tells you to pay more taxes, you say where is my cheque book? If the government tells you to cut your pay, you say cut more please. If the government tells you to vote for them because it is good for you, you say sure thing. If the government tells you to bend down and spread your legs, you say how wide. If you aren’t a bitch, go to Hong Kong and stay there. With this law in place, you can easily differentiate foreigners and Singaporeans because of the barking when being screwed.
7. “Lah“. Singaporeans must always end the sentence with “lah” or “one”. So if you are going to go to the restroom, you will tell your friends “I am going to the Toilet laaaah!”. Or if you disagree with your friends, you will say “Where got like that one?” or use the more refined “Fuck You Laaaah!”. Of course, this law itself requires more refinement.
8. Tissue Paper Pack. Singaporeans “book” tables with tissue paper packs. So if you would like to “book” a table in a crowded coffee shop or hawker centre, place a tissue paper pack on the table. Officially, you can use it to “book” benches, chairs, toilets, cinema seats, hotel rooms, F1 gallery seats…..If it doesn’t work because some big shot angmo don’t care, “book” with some semen and clean up later with the tissue paper.
9. Ignore Old People and Pregnant Women. If you are a true-blue Singapore, you will have to ignore those old people and pregnant women on the buses or trains. Just because they are old or pregnant and look pathetic doesn’t mean that we have to help them by giving them our seats. And we will have to ignore the signs on the buses and trains that tells us to give the seats to old people and pregnant women. Just like our government, they are there for show only. If you think that it makes you look bad, pretend to sleep when you see them. If you want to give up your seat for these group of people, you will not be included as an true-blue Singaporean and you will die a miserable death.
10. Block others. Real Singaporeans spend all their time blocking others. If you are in a crowded shopping mall, it would be prudent to stop your entire family of 10 in the middle of the pathway and start talking about the weather and how great the Singapore government is.  Or you can just bring your 5 snotty kids and 4 angmo sized strollers along to those shows at Suntec City to block everyone. It would also make sense to block others from entering buses or trains by standing at the entrance of the bus or train. The Singapore slogan is “Who did you block today?”. The winner is the one who blocks the most people. The winner gets a medal from the government.

Well, that’s all I have for this Singaporean Purity Law. If you have any thoughts or ideas on improving this law, please post some comments below. I would very much like to ignore you.